Today we're returning to one of our fav MVPs of the body, our Loving Grandma - aka Oxytocin.
A team member experienced a very recent loss of a grandparent, and the transition back to work was extra difficult. In our typical nerdiness, we decided to look at the science of grief to help ourselves and our loved ones work through it.
What did we learn? Oxytocin is critical! So in honor of my beloved grandpa "Boy" Malloy, here's how to work with your physiology to ease challenging times - both at work and at home.
😢 Complicated grief is an atypical adjustment to the loss of a loved one that occurs in 10-15% of adults. Neurobiology confirms that low Oxytocin levels are an important factor in why this happens.
😣 Feeling low? Anger, irritability, depression, and loneliness are all signs that we need some time with grandma (or grandpa ❤️.) Reach out to others in a meaningful way to help with these challenging emotions.
😅 Grandma's busy. She also aids in digestion, blood pressure and body temperature regulation, wound healing, memory, and learning.
So to summarize, we need Grandma! She plays a critical role in how well we function, especially in times of high stress. Read on for what you can do to continue improving your relationship with her.
Get Connected
There are multiple ways Grandma naturally steps in to help us out, but there are also things we can do to invite her over more often.
You know it's time for a visit from Grandma when you feel disconnected, disengaged, lonely, irritable, or distrustful. Grandma can also increase your sense of physical and psychological safety when experiencing grief.
Try the following to help build a strong connection with the people in your life and ease the pain of loss:
️👉 Create a safe space by being vulnerable with others and allowing them to do the same. The safety cop (serotonin) and Grandma like to visit together - when we feel safe we are much more likely to feel connected and trusting.
👉 Physical touch is huge for Grandma. This could look like handshakes, high fives, or (consensual!) hugs in the workplace. Professional massage or cuddling with your children/pets are also excellent forms of self-care that promote trust and connection.
👉 Engage in volunteer work and/or help others. The sense of contributing to something bigger than ourselves brings people together in a meaningful and long-lasting way.
️️👉 Reach out with gratitude. One of the ways our team does this is with handwritten notes expressing gratitude but a phone call or visit instead of a text is also great - just remember to include why you value the person you're reaching out to.
(think about the birthday card with just a signature vs one with a personal message - both make you smile but the one with the message is more likely to get saved for years to come!)
More on Oxytocin and Grief
Shout out to all of the amazing ways our body takes care of us, including during times of grief. The release of oxytocin is part of the typical adaptive response humans experience after losing a loved one.
This is one central reason why we tend to turn to others when feeling low, and why being with living loved ones can help ease the pain of loss.
Complicated grief, which increases the risk of health issues, is marked by abnormally high and prolonged cortisol levels and low release of oxytocin.
Many factors impact neurobiology during grief, including the circumstances
surrounding the loss and our overall level of support, but how we respond to loss is one way we can regain some control.
Take the time you need to process, but remember the tremendous benefit of connecting with others during this time. Other ways to foster this are sharing positive memories, visiting special places, or looking at pictures.
I know I've been really leaning into these tips the past few days, as well as expressing gratitude for all the years I got to spend with my grandpa. ❤️
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